The Morning Call
Responsive Parenting Means
Mom and Dad Can Have Fun!
- by Gwen Hoover
Parenting loses its charm fast... when you get
angry with your kids if you don't think they appreciate you. When you have
to go to Chuck E. Cheese's one more time. When you fight with your
children to get their homework done or tell them not to do something then go
ballistic when they do it anyway.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
Responding differently makes a difference:
According to a new book by Nicole MacKenzie,
"Parenting Rule #1: Mom Has Fun", getting emotionally charged or being a martyr
is exactly what good parenting is not about.
It starts with the belief that children can be
pros at manipulation. They use whining, nagging and tantrums to engage
their parents - however negatively - in a power struggle. Their ability to
win a parent's attention in this game is a yardstick of the power they wield in
the relationship.
Child development experts agree that children
usually start to test their powers between 1-2 years of age, and at the same
time develop a sense of self. At this point they will object to what you
say not because of reasoning, just because they can.
So what's a parent to do? Step back,
count to 10 and think about your child's true aim. Mackenzie's book
introduces a brand new learning method that shows parents how to detach
emotionally to avoid overreacting. This eliminates ending up in a power
struggle with your child. That way, parent's learn how to respond
appropriately and enjoy the parenting experience.
How to have a better time parenting:
MacKenzie's definition of "parents having fun"
means you don't have to repeatedly nag your kids. Parenting shouldn't be
drudgery. For example, if you aren't having fun during a family activity,
she recommends you stop and regroup.
She believes that if you spoil your children
and let them run your life, they will never be completely satisfied or happy.
She developed a parenting method with the focus on raising satisfied,
accountable, happy children, with strong self-esteem.
Her method came about after a trip to
Disneyland, when MacKenzie realized that she wasn't having a good time.
The kids couldn't agree on what rides to take and everyone was getting upset.
MacKenzie said, "This isn't fun for me anymore" and called a team meeting.
The meeting took the focus away from the
current issues and the kids were asked to come up with ways to rectify the
situation, otherwise they would all go home. The children became
responsible for their mother's happiness, and their own.
"Children should be responsible for their
parents having fun during family activities", says MacKenzie, who compares her
idea to the old adage that giving is more fulfilling than receiving. "They
feel good about themselves when they make their parents happy. I always
tell my kids, 'You made my day', and they just light up."
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