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Emerging Lifestyles
- by Paul Seitz, DC & Kelli Soileau, MS, LPC
"Every child is born with more genius than even Leonardo DaVinci ever
exploited...The secret to the success of this program is that mom and dad have
fun while engaging in helping their children grow."......
So starts Nicole MacKenzie's groundbreaking book on responsive
parenting, Parenting Rule #1: Mom Has Fun!. Nicole is a proud
mother of six - yes six! - remarkable children, and she is the first to admit,
jokingly, that if she had not developed this effective approach to raising
children, she would not have had six. "I was not a natural mother", said
Nicole, when we talked with her about her book, "and it is only through this
method that I have been able to raise brilliant, curious children, and have
doing it."
This amazing new parenting method was developed by Nicole and
her husband, Dr. Mick MacKenzie, developer of Self-Actualization Learning
Technology or S.A.L.T. The Mom Has Fun! technique works by engaging
children's natural curiosity and holding them accountable to their natural
genius. Lest this sound like too much work, the method is actually very
simple and fun. The author does a wonderful job of illustrating key points
in the book with insightful, yet engagingly funny anecdotes from her own
experience as a mom. And she does not come across as some Super Mom.
Several of her anecdotes reveal how she too would occasionally engage in power
struggles with her children, to the point that no one was having much fun.
One of our favorite tips deals with children who whine about wanting this or
that. According to the author, a child can quickly develop a bit
of whining whenever they want something. Many parents react by saying,
"Don't whine!" and get more and more annoyed with the
child. The first step in the solution is to just acknowledge what
the child is doing. Simply saying, "You are whining right now"
is enough. Next, make sure the child knows the difference between
their whining voice and their "awesome" voice. The parent
can demonstrate both, and make a game of it. Then have the child
try using their awesome voice. When they find it, tell them how
much you enjoy it. Then, hold them accountable to that whenever
they want to request something. This can rapidly short-circuit the
habit of whining.
Time and again, Nicole describes how brilliant all children really
are in their attempts to manipulate the adults around them. She
writes that it is important to appreciate the brilliance in the
game they are playing, then then hold the child accountable to the
behavior you want. According to Nicole, children actually love to
be held accountable, and they thrive on honest, non-judgmental feedback,
i.e. discipline without punishment.
This is a very fun book to read. We found ourselves laughing at the
simplicity and effectiveness of the many tips. The book reads like
part-storybook, part-workbook. It is divided up into four parts: Part
One outlines the basic approach to responsive parenting. Part Two
discusses how to set up your family so that the kids actually look
out for their parents' fun, by creating a team, whose goal is to foster
curiosity and accountability. Part Three gives specific tools that
can be used anytime to avoid/stop power struggles, tantrums, and other
not-so-fun behaviors. Part Four concludes by describing some of the
"games of manipulation" that kids play and then gives some
possible solutions.
One of the best ideas we have ever heard for building up a
child's self-esteem comes at the end of Part One. Nicole suggests for the
parents to create a 30-second commercial, detailing the child's brilliance.
She recommends you share this with the child and then use it to introduce the
child to others. Children often do not realize how much their parents
appreciate them, and this is a very concrete way to do just that.
The old adage, "When Mom doesn't have fun, nobody has fun!" gets
turned around into its corollary, "When Mom has fun, everyone
has fun!" This is a subtle and profound distinction. Nicole
points out that parents often fall into the trap of always assuming
responsibility for the child's fun, usually at the expense of the
parents' own happiness. This can quickly create resentment in the
parents, as the child is never satisfied, and always wants more.
The fix is to turn it around, so the focus is on mom and dad having
fun. The positive results of this simple shift can be amazing.
This book is a golden treasure for anyone who has
responsibility for others, including parents, teachers, nursery workers,
coaches, caretakers, managers, etc. It is full of easy-to-learn tips and
techniques for holding others accountable to their natural genius. An
endorsement on the cover by Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator of Chicken Soup
for the Soul says it all: "It's time Mom has fun and here is how. May
everyone embrace these brilliant concepts!"
(Paul Seitz, DC and Kelli Soileau, MS, LPC, operate the Continuum Center, a
family Network Chiropractic wellness center in Houston, Texas. For
information about Nicole MacKenzie's books, audio/video tapes, and upcoming
workshops and book signings, contact Dr. Paul or Kelli at 713-880-1974.)
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