Discover a Child's Genius
A breakthrough in child rearing through a new technology that develops emotional intelligence, as presented in the book Parenting Rule #1, Mom Has Fun!
- by Nicole MacKenzie
At the birth of my first child I noticed that a very important detail
was missing. My child was not born with an instruction manual. The
methods of parenting I studied while looking for one did not reflect
what I had learned and taught participants in my weekend trainings
about appreciation, accountability and living in magnificence. I knew
I wanted to thoroughly enjoy the process of raising my child, while
simultaneously providing her with self-respect and Emotional Intelligence
(often referred to as EI or sometimes EQ). The question was how to
create a parenting technique that included the experiences of fun
and accountability at the same time.
One thing I am certain about is that every person is born with
a unique gift. People who recognize that gift and act upon it tend
to lead a more fulfilled life. Almost anyone may truly pick a "game"
they love to play and make a living from it. So my quest became
how to raise my children in a way that would best prepare them to
live a happy, fulfilled and responsive life. Neither the authoritarian
nor the "laissez-faire" systems seemed to fulfill my criteria. There
needed to be something new, something honoring our fast moving world,
something that could bring out a child's genius.
The MacKenzie Learning Method became the basis for the exciting new parenting
technique, Rule #1, Mom Has Fun! The MacKenzie Learning Method is
a curiosity based, judgment free, audio and visual feedback system
that allows a person to see their impact, potential and brilliance
and thus attract a more synchronized, fun and satisfying lifestyle.
The method strengthens a person's emotional intelligence thus allowing
them to live life in greater accordance with their essence and vitality.
The revolutionary difference in this parenting technique is the combination of my system of holding a child accountable without judgment or criticism and the MacKenzie Learning Method. This brings out the brilliance in a child while strengthening their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the key to building a successful life. People who learn to respond to life rather than react to it, by taking everything personally, have a much greater chance of success.
The beauty of emotional intelligence is that you can learn it. Like math or reading, anybody with curiosity can learn emotional intelligence. If you work with a young child in this way parenting becomes particularly easy. The older a person is, the more 'enculturated' habits you have to undo in order to enhance the emotional response mechanism.
Here is how it begins: In order to test his or her power the child uses emotional manipulation to see if he or she can get the grown-up engaged. Most of the time this engagement ends up in a power-struggle and both sides lose. The child has to be extremely observant and brilliant in order to pick the correct "weak spot" that will guarantee the grown-up's engagement.
By the age of two, each one of us has become an expert in this particular arena. At that age it is like playing a game: the game is, "let me see if I can wind up this big strong person. If I succeed that increases my feeling of power. I will win, no matter what the consequence may be." Every parenting book suggests you should not engage emotionally or reactively with your children when they misbehave but not one, until now, advises how to handle it differently. In Parenting Rule #1, Mom Has Fun! you will find many tools which show you how to respond to your child with immediate feedback, how to hold them accountable, and in so doing bring out the best in your child.
We all had to learn our emotions. Children are not born with sadness, anger, anxiety or any other emotions. It takes the first two years of life to learn about these "mind made" phenomena, which, in so many cases later on in life, dictate the level of happiness, satisfaction and even health in a person. Babies are uninhibited. They live in the moment without care or worries, in a state of wonder or self-actualization. The mind is not yet controlling every thought and constantly suggesting that everything is wrong. This is what makes the company of babies so refreshing.
Around the age of two children also begin to recognize their reflection in the mirror; they start to build their own persona. Now they have to prove that this little person has power. In order to do that they use the emotions they have learned from their environment and start to manipulate with them. The purpose of this is to see if they can get a big person engaged. For them it is like playing a game and if the grown up engages and reacts it is quite an accomplishment. Yet if you look at the child's brilliance at finding exactly the right "hot button" with each different grown up, you will notice that this is quite an accomplishment. According to Glen Doman, at the Institute for Human Potential in Philadelphia, every child has the genius of Leonardo da Vinci until the age of five. I believe this is absolutely true. As parents we can expect far more rewarding interactions with our little ones if we hold them accountable to their own genius.
If the child succeeds over and over again in winding a parent up by using emotional
manipulation, this game will develop into a habit, which later on
can develop into a way of experiencing life. Let's look at the very
well known manipulation of whining. If a child gets away with whining
then soon a habit will develop out of the game. Now, whatever they
do, they use whining to get what they want. This then develops into
a way of seeing and experiencing life. What a service to that person
to actually stop this behavior at a very young age. How to do this
now becomes the question.
Accountability and non-judgmental feedback are the answer. In the case of whining
many parents react by saying, "Don't whine!" whilst getting more
and more agitated. A proper response in this case would be first
the feedback "you are whining". Then make sure the child knows the
difference between their awesome voice and their whining voice.
Show the difference first by using the whining voice yourself and
then the awesome voice - make it a game. Now have the child try.
When they find their awesome voice tell them how much you like it.
Now that you have established the awesome voice you can hold them
accountable to it. So every time they use the whining voice to ask
for something you can now say, "You are whining right now. If you
really want that I need to hear your awesome voice! Try again in
your awesome voice!"
Whenever you catch a child in a manipulative game and you acknowledge them
by seeing the brilliance within the game, yet hold them accountable
to the behavior you want, you will find that your child actually
loves to be held accountable. They thrive on honest, non-judgmental
feedback. It shows them that you are paying attention. See their
brilliance and ask them to be at their best.
Parenting Rule #1, Mom Has Fun is the instruction manual parents have been
waiting for in order to best prepare their child for the possibility
of a magnificent life. Responding from a position of emotional strength
simply takes a person much farther than reactive behavior. To achieve
this, the focus of the parent has to become "Rule # 1: I have fun".
Most parents work it the other way around by constantly looking
for what could be fun for their child. In doing so, all of the attention
is put on the child and the child is constantly 'taking', yet never
quite satisfied. The parents become the victims of their children
and can become resentful. So turn it around. Make it Rule #1 that
you have fun. You will be surprised by the results.
Isn't it more fun to give a present than getting one? What a
feeling of satisfaction there is in making somebody's day! There
is nothing quite like it. Let your children have that feeling by
looking out for you and seeing that you have fun. It demands
that the attention is off of them and onto you. Whenever the
attention is off of a person it is very difficult for them to
be in an emotional state, mood or have an attitude. Children
love this technique because it both takes the tension out of
their daily lives and acknowledges their brilliance. The saying,
"when Mom doesn't have fun, nobody has fun!" is after all rather accurate.
The tools offered by this parenting technique work. The genius children whose parents have used these tools prove it with a quality of life that is not attainable with traditional parenting approaches. Without having come up with this unique parenting technique, I would never have ventured to have six children!!
(As published in Explore! for the Professional, Vol. 12,
No. 3, May 2003)
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